Translation review

Paragraph 1

Changed

Before

This is a work of fiction set in a post-apocalyptic world featuring rebirth and a system. I’ve done my best to keep the setting logically consistent, but some aspects may prioritize pacing and enjoyment over strict logical efficiency. If you notice any obvious plot holes or contradictions, please let me know. I’ll read your feedback carefully and do my best to fix them. After all, this story is for all of you—and readers have the keenest eyes.

After

This is a fictional post-apocalyptic rebirth plus system-style novel. I've tried to make the setting logically consistent as much as possible, but in some places, to maintain pacing and a satisfying reading experience, narrative efficiency may take precedence. If you notice any obvious plot holes or contradictions while reading, feel free to point them out. I'll take them seriously and do my best to fix them. After all, stories are written for readers, and readers have the sharpest eyes.

Paragraph 2

Changed

Before

— The Author

After

— The Author, respectfully

Paragraph 3

Changed

Before

A headache woke him first.

After

The headache woke him first.

Paragraph 4

Changed

Before

The back of his head was pressed against the concrete floor. A chill slid down his neck, stopping between his shoulder blades, then sending a shiver through him.

After

The back of his head was pressed against the concrete floor, that chill seeping down his neck, coming to a stop between his shoulder blades, cold enough to jolt him awake.

Paragraph 5

Changed

Before

His mouth was full of dust and a metallic taste—like when he’d bitten through his lip as a kid after a fall that broke a tooth.

After

His mouth was full of dust, mixed with a rusty taste, just like when he'd broken a tooth as a kid and licked the blood.

Paragraph 6

Changed

Before

Shen Weizhen didn’t open his eyes. He listened first.

After

Shen Weizhen didn't open his eyes. He listened first.

Paragraph 7

Changed

Before

Creak. Crack.

After

Creak. Crack. The wooden door shook violently from being slammed, the hinges sounding like they would fall apart any second.

Paragraph 8

Changed

Before

The wooden door shuddered under heavy impacts. The hinges sounded as if they might give way any second.

After

The scratching from outside was as dense as beans being sifted—fingernails scraping against the wood, setting his molars on edge.

Paragraph 9

Changed

Before

Outside, the scratching was as dense as beans being sifted. Fingernails scraped against the wood, setting his teeth on edge.

After

Even through the door, the smell was unmistakable. The stench of rotting flesh, mixed with black blood, drilled straight into his nostrils.

Paragraph 10

Changed

Before

Even through the door, he could smell it: the stench of rotting flesh soaked in black blood, drilling into his nostrils.

After

He wanted to curse, opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Paragraph 11

Changed

Before

He wanted to curse, but his mouth opened soundlessly.

After

Images were still flashing in his mind. A moment ago, he was a regimental commander in the Dragon Kingdom, shrapnel whizzing past his ear on the scorched border, a booby trap mine erupting in a white light under his feet as he covered his comrades' retreat. He remembered clutching his rifle when he died.

Paragraph 12

Changed

Before

Scenes flashed through his mind. A second ago, he’d been a regimental commander of the Dragon Country. On the scorched border, shrapnel whizzed past his ears. As he covered his comrades’ retreat, a booby trap had exploded underfoot in a blinding white light. He remembered dying with his rifle still clutched in his hands.

After

Then the scene cut. An office smelling of disinfectant. Suddenly a scream exploded outside the window. A clerk he saw every day lunged at a coworker, skin ashen gray, veins bulging, eyes cloudy white.

Paragraph 13

Changed

Before

Then the scene cut.

After

This body was also named Shen Weizhen. Deputy Director of the Huidong District Emergency Management Bureau.

Paragraph 14

Changed

Before

An office that smelled of disinfectant. Screaming erupted outside the window. A low-level clerk he saw every day convulsed and lunged at a colleague. The clerk’s skin was ashen gray, veins bulging, eyes cloudy white.

After

The memories were like someone had scattered them and haphazardly reassembled them—nothing but fragments. Pick up one, it's border dirt. Pick up another, it's office tea stains.

Paragraph 15

Changed

Before

This body’s name was also Shen Weizhen—Deputy Director of the Huidong District Emergency Management Bureau.

After

He pushed himself up from the floor, his fingertips brushing against a crushed aluminum pill case.

Paragraph 16

Changed

Before

His memories felt scattered, like shards randomly pieced together. Pick up one: border dirt. Pick up another: office tea stains.

After

Half a strip of cardiac rescue pills, the foil dented, pills scattered in the dust—one already broken.

Paragraph 17

Changed

Before

He pushed himself up from the ground. His fingertips brushed a crushed aluminum pill case.

After

Right at his feet was an emergency kit. But he'd never opened it. The original owner had been scared to death.

Paragraph 18

Changed

Before

Half a strip of cardiac rescue pills. The foil had been twisted out of shape. Pills lay scattered in the dust; one was already broken.

After

Only an hour into the virus outbreak, a desk-bound civil servant's heart had given out first.

Paragraph 19

Changed

Before

An emergency kit sat right by his foot, unopened. The original owner had been terrified.

After

Crack. The door was hit again, and a fresh split appeared along the top edge.

Paragraph 20

Changed

Before

The virus had broken out only an hour ago. A civilian official who’d spent years behind a desk—his heart gave out first.

After

Shen Weizhen moved to the crack and glanced outside.

Paragraph 21

Changed

Before

A crack sounded.

After

In the hallway, three twisted figures blocked the way, all in the bureau's standard-issue shirts. Their skin was ashen gray, their arms and legs twisted at unnatural angles, their joints bent backward.

Paragraph 22

Changed

Before

The door was struck again, and a fresh split appeared near the top of the panel.

After

One of them had dark brownish drool hanging from the corner of its mouth, stretching into long strings. Its claws kept scratching at the door. Nails had split, splinters sticking to the broken tips.

Paragraph 23

Changed

Before

Shen Weizhen pressed his eye to the gap and scanned the hallway.

After

He reached for his waist, trying to grab his walkie-talkie.

Paragraph 24

Changed

Before

Three crooked shadows blocked the corridor. All wore the standard-issue shirts of the Emergency Management Bureau. Their skin was ashen gray, arms and legs twisted at unnatural angles, joints bent backward.

After

His fingers met a scorched, melted plastic shell. The casing was deformed, the circuit board fused into a lump of charcoal.

Paragraph 25

Changed

Before

One had a string of dark brown saliva hanging from its mouth, stretching and dripping. Its claws kept scratching at the door—nails split, wood shavings stuck in the splintered edges.

After

Fragments of memory told him that ten minutes into the virus outbreak, a global particle storm had swept across the ground, frying everything with chips. Phones, walkie-talkies, surveillance—all useless.

Paragraph 26

Changed

Before

He reached for his waist, intending to pull out his radio.

After

Damn it.

Paragraph 27

Changed

Before

His fingertips touched scorched, melted plastic. The radio’s casing was warped, the circuit board fused into a lump of black char.

After

In the corner stood an olive-green metal box with the words "Emergency Breaching" stenciled in white on the side.

Paragraph 28

Changed

Before

Fragments in his memory told him that ten minutes into the outbreak, a global particle storm had swept the ground. Anything with a chip was fried—phones, radios, surveillance cameras. All useless.

After

The original owner had been so terrified he had completely forgotten about it.

Paragraph 29

Changed

Before

Damn it.

After

Shen Weizhen moved over, hooked his fingers into the latch, and twisted. The rusted lock snapped.

Paragraph 30

Changed

Before

In the corner stood an olive-drab tin box. Four white characters on the side read: “Emergency Breaching.”

After

Inside the box, a military knife lay in a foam slot, its blade cold and gleaming. Next to it was a crowbar.

Paragraph 31

Changed

Before

The original owner had been scared out of his wits and had completely forgotten about it.

After

He gripped the knife in a reverse hold, dropped to one knee, hooked his left hand under the door edge, and pried it open a crack.

Paragraph 32

Changed

Before

Shen Weizhen moved over and hooked his fingers under the latch. The rusted lock core snapped under his twist.

After

Bang. The zombie slammed into the door again. Its head wedged into the gap, the murky white eyeball pressed against the panel.

Paragraph 33

Changed

Before

Inside, a military knife lay in a foam slot—its edge cold and gleaming. On the other side was a crowbar.

After

Shen Weizhen dropped his shoulder and drove the knife forward. The blade sank into the temporal bone joint, all the way to the hilt.

Paragraph 34

Changed

Before

He gripped the military knife in a reverse hold, pressed one knee to the floor, hooked his left hand on the door frame, and pushed the door open a crack.

After

A few heh sounds leaked from its throat, and then it went limp. Black blood splashed onto the door, and a few gray specks landed on his pant leg.

Paragraph 35

Changed

Before

A heavy thud.

After

He pulled the knife and stepped back. His hand was trembling slightly.

Paragraph 36

Changed

Before

The zombie slammed into the door again, its head wedged in the gap. Cloudy white eyes pressed against the panel.

After

He couldn't tell if it was because this body hadn't moved in so long, or because he himself hadn't fully emerged from the white light of that mine explosion.

Paragraph 37

Changed

Before

Shen Weizhen dropped his shoulder and drove the knife forward.

After

The dull thud of the corpse collapsing had just faded when a voice suddenly rang out in his head, carrying a slight static hiss, like an old radio:

Paragraph 38

Changed

Before

The military knife sank into the bony crevice of the temple, buried to the hilt.

After

"Spark-073 system, soul binding complete. Military soul authentication passed. Initial Civilization Points: 10. Summonable basic unit: Army Conscript, 5 points each."

Paragraph 39

Changed

Before

Gurgling breaths escaped the thing’s throat—then it went limp.

After

A light blue interface floated before his eyes. The most prominent feature was a two-dimensional map. The entire building was covered in dense red heat sources. Only on the west side were two faint green dots glowing.

Paragraph 40

Changed

Before

Black blood splattered on the door. A few gray specks landed on his pant leg.

After

Shen Weizhen closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, the interface was still there. He swore.

Paragraph 41

Changed

Before

He pulled the knife out and stepped back half a pace. His hands trembled slightly.

After

"Fuck me."

Paragraph 42

Changed

Before

He wasn’t sure if it was because this body hadn’t moved in so long, or because he himself hadn’t fully come back from that blinding white light of the booby trap.

After

Not a hallucination.

Paragraph 43

Changed

Before

The dull thud of the corpse collapsing had barely faded when a voice rang in his mind—faint static, like an old radio.

After

On the summoning panel, the words "Army Conscript" were lit up. 5 points each. 10 points, exactly two.

Paragraph 44

Changed

Before

“Spark-073 System, soul binding complete. Military soul authentication passed. Initial Civilization Points: 10. Basic unit available for summoning: Army Conscript, 5 points each.”

After

But he didn't rush to click.

Paragraph 45

Changed

Before

A pale blue interface floated before his eyes.

After

He didn't fully understand this thing yet. How long before the units arrived after the command? Where would they come from? Would they make noise and draw the attention of everything on this floor? He didn't know.

Paragraph 46

Changed

Before

The most prominent feature was a two-dimensional map. The entire building was densely packed with red heat-source dots. Only on the west side flickered two faint green dots.

After

He'd take care of the other two outside first.

Paragraph 47

Changed

Before

Shen Weizhen closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the interface was still there.

After

He didn't dismiss the interface. He kept it open, his peripheral vision checking the summoning panel still lit up.

Paragraph 48

Changed

Before

He cursed.

After

Knife in hand, he crouched back by the door. Beside him lay the corpse he'd just taken down, black blood slowly spreading on the floor.

Paragraph 49

Changed

Before

“Fuck.”

After

Two more outside.

Paragraph 50

Removed

Before

It wasn’t a hallucination.

After

—

Paragraph 51

Removed

Before

The words “Army Conscript” on the summoning tab were lit. Five points each—ten points exactly enough for two.

After

—

Paragraph 52

Removed

Before

But he didn’t rush to use it.

After

—

Paragraph 53

Removed

Before

He hadn’t figured this thing out yet. How long would a summoned unit take to arrive? Where would it appear? Would it make noise and draw every zombie on the floor? He didn’t know.

After

—

Paragraph 54

Removed

Before

First, deal with the two outside.

After

—

Paragraph 55

Removed

Before

He didn’t close the interface in his mind. He left it open, his peripheral vision catching the lit summoning tab.

After

—

Paragraph 56

Removed

Before

He gripped the military knife and crouched back by the door.

After

—

Paragraph 57

Removed

Before

The corpse he’d just dropped lay beside it, black blood slowly spreading on the floor.

After

—

Paragraph 58

Removed

Before

There were still two zombies outside the door.

After

—